As a single parent, I had to learn to accept help from friends, acquaintances, and in some cases, absolute strangers. Some of the best advice I got came from an online women’s networking discussion page from women I didn’t know. Here are some of the tips that helped me tremendously as a single working mom. *Side note, I use the term “working mom” meaning that I have a full time job outside of the house. I also know that moms who do not have jobs outside of the home are also working moms. Their work is inside of the home and never ends, whereas my job outside of the home ends when I leave the office. My use of the term “working mom” is not meant to diminish all of the hard working moms who work inside the home.

Let the dishes pile up. Seriously. Rosie the Riveter will always be an inspiration to us, but sometimes we can’t do it all, and that is perfectly fine. In fact, once you accept that you actually Can’t Do It All, you’ll find a little ore peace in each and every day. Your baby is going to take up a lot of your time. Time that you used to spend washing dishes, vacuuming the floor, doing laundry, cooking, and everything else we amazing women do on the daily. You can’t get it all done and take good care of your baby. You just can’t. And that’s okay. Figure out what you absolutely NEED to do, and let go of what you want to do.

When you just want to run, try a hug instead. It might be exactly what you both need. My daughter sailed straight through the two’s with flying colors. It was the three’s that nearly de-railed us. The terrible two’s have been replaced by the f*cking three’s. The f*cking three’s kicked my a*s. My daughter screamed her way from the moment she turned three until four and a half No kidding. She screamed over everything. Dinner, bedtime, what to wear, you name it, she screamed over it. I ended up going to see a counselor to figure out how to deal with the constant screaming and how to respond without losing my mind. She told me to hug her. I thought she was nuts! You must be joking, I said. When she acts like that, I want nothing to do with her, I want to get as far away from her as possible. And I don’t want to reward her temper tantrum by giving her positive attention. She smiled and said, just give it a try. I was desperate, so I tried it. Magic. When your child is crying over nothing, and all you really want to do is run, far, stop and send love and compassion to your child, and gently wrap your arms around her (or him) and just hug. You’ll be amazed.

EMBRACE YOUR NEW NORMAL

Your life changes over night. Embrace your new normal. As a single parent it is natural to want to socialize as you did prior to becoming a parent. It is normal to want to go to the same places and do the same things that you did before your beautiful baby arrived. I’ll get into this more in my blog about wanting to do it all, but for now, just know that it’s perfectly natural to want to do the things you did before the baby arrived, but you’ll find that you may need to make some adjustments. Find your new normal. Accept the help. Always. When a friend says that she’d love to help out anytime - your response should be “Great! How about Friday night from 5:00-9:00?”, and then go out and treat yourself. Your sister says that she’s available if you ever need her - book her immediately.

Set the expectations at work the moment your return from your meager maternity leave. Be clear about your new hours up front and stick to them. Do not slink out of meetings when you have to leave to make the 6:00 pm pick up at daycare. If your employer agreed in advance of your new hours, then don’t add to your stress by feeling guilty when you have to leave the office to start your 2nd job, which is parenting your baby. Your job is important and so is your child. Make that clear up front. Obviously some employers will not give you the flexibility to restructure your work schedule, but flexible and remote work schedules are becoming more available, so speak with your employer about this in advance to avoid unnecessary stress and resentment when you return from maternity leave. I’ll address this more in a future blog.