CHORE CHARTS AND SALAD DRESSING

When I found myself at wits end with my stubborn, wily, 2 1/2 year old little girl, I sought the advice of a local mother’s group. Many suggested that I use a chore chart to track and reward her positive behavior to help diminish her naughty behavior. Great! The chart arrived the next day thanks to Amazon. It came with little square buttons with pictures depicting naughty behavior with a big X across the picture and good behavior - with words underneath such as “make my bed” “eat healthy” “brush my teeth” “no whining” “get dressed” “be kind”, etc. It even had squares to write your own. Together my daughter and I set up the chart and I showed her how for the next week we would track her good behavior by attaching a gold star next to whichever chore she did well. I then explained that we will put a red X next to the squares denoting chores in which she doesn’t do well. For those of you who haven’t tried the chore chart, I can assure you that it works wonders! It is amazing how quickly children learn through a positive reward system. Our days together were becoming peaceful again. Each night we would go to the chore chart and add the gold stars, which were outnumbering the red X’s by far! My daughter’s one area that seemed to consistently garner red X’s is whining. She managed to go from happy sweet little girl to Tasmanian devil in a nano second. Whining was her downfall. Nearly each and every day ended with some sort of temper tantrum, and as we filled out the chore chart together, I would see her face beam as we added star after star, until we got to “no whining” and inevitably we would both know what was coming next. Don’t get me wrong, there were some days when even “no whining” collected a bright gold star and we would both cheer - me from relief from the screaming and wailing of my beloved, and she from pride of gold stars across the board!

One particular day ended with the sort of tears and screaming that could set your teeth on edge. I had the nerve to insist that my 2 1/2 year old wear a hat and mittens before going out in the snow to play. What kind of a monster Momma am I, anyway? That meltdown earned her a time out. She knew it before I even said anything to her and she marched herself up the stairs and into her room, slamming the door in a flash. I didn’t have to say a single word. When she slammed her door, she actually cracked the glass panel on the window of her door, so that earned her extra time in her time out. I was learning just how stubborn my baby girl can be through these time outs. When I would announce that the time out was over and she could come back downstairs, she would ALWAYS respond with “no thank you” and she would stay in her room for an extra 20 minutes just to prove that she wasn’t fazed by the time out.

So, at the end of the hat/mittens/shattered window day we proceeded to the chore chart and when we got to the “no whining” square, there was no square and all of the red X’s and couple of stars for that row were gone. “No whining” no longer existed! My little she-devil removed “no whining” so we couldn’t give her an X! I asked her where the square was and she said she didn’t know and walked away. I was incredulous! But also marveled at her clever little mind. I secretly loved how smart she was at such a young age. And…back to the time out we go.

A few days later as I pulled the bottle of balsamic dressing from the shelf in the refrigerator, I spotted the square showing the baby screaming with a big red X across the picture. She hid it in the refrigerator! Mind you, she can barely open the refrigerator door, so that must have taken a great deal of concentration. Not to mention that she can’t reach the shelves, so she must have used a stool to sneak it in behind the salad dressing. As I pictured her doing this - when? perhaps when I was in the shower?, I secretly delighted in how resourceful my almost 3 year old was. Shhh, don’t tell her.

Bottom line, the chore charts are a great way to focus on good behavior. We stopped using the charts after that incident. But now, as my baby girl is now 9 years old, we’re struggling with new behaviors and we’ve created a new chore chart that focuses on “be kind / respect Mommy / eat healthy / practice piano / do homework”. But we’ve added a twist. I have noticed that as a single Mom working full time, taking care of our house and our numerous dogs and cats, I can tend to be too task oriented. My days consist of: take care of child, animals, do dishes, do laundry, get to work on time, get groceries, and it never ends. I am moving from one thing to the next just to keep us all moving forward and reaching our next destination properly clothed and fed. One day my clever little girl said something very funny and I caught myself laughing, unexpectedly. It felt so strange, that moment of silliness that just crept into my tightly bound schedule. I hadn’t planned for it and it was pure joy. I realized that I was so focused on keeping our lives on track that I wasn’t stopping to enjoy our lives together. It was then that I decided to get a chore chart for Mommy - which includes “play with Sawyer” “be kind to Sawyer”. I highly recommend a Mommy or Daddy chart. We could all use a gentle reminder to play and have fun. After all, that’s the secret to a happy life, isn’t it?